A message to parents
My heart broke recently when I witnessed the damage excessive parental pressure can have on kids involved in Ballroom DanceSport. During a competition, I watched a young couple -- about 10 or 11 years old -- that I've admired for the past couple of years. They performed very well, though they were up against strong, experienced competitors. I reflected on how far they had come, and when they were done, I went to tell them how impressed I was.
Imagine my surprise when I saw the young lady in tears. She felt she had made mistakes that cost them, and that it wouldn't be good enough to win. I learned that her parents were putting tremendous pressure on her to get the trophy, and according to someone who knew her well, they told her that there would be consequences if she didn't win.
It was so sad to see a young child crying, when she should be celebrating a great dance performance. This sport is not just about technical skill, but about entertainment presence -- a nebulous quality that requires confidence. How can you be confident when you're worried about your parents giving you the third degree if you don't win? A child's sense of self-worth should never come from winning. There's always someone, somewhere better. To desire to win is great, but the need to win is an empty, meaningless goal. Instead, kids should be taught to strive for and recognize improvement.
I know this happens to some extent in every sport. Parents often put pressure on their kids to do well, perhaps without even realizing it. The financial investment is significant, and parents want to feel that they are getting their money's worth. But this example shows just how much damage can be done with this kind of pressure.
So, my message to parents is to evaluate your messages to your kids about sports. Are you putting more emphasis on encouragement, or on criticism? Are you sensitive to how your intentions are being perceived? Take a moment to think about your last conversation with your child about the activity they are involved in -- did it end on a positive note?
Imagine my surprise when I saw the young lady in tears. She felt she had made mistakes that cost them, and that it wouldn't be good enough to win. I learned that her parents were putting tremendous pressure on her to get the trophy, and according to someone who knew her well, they told her that there would be consequences if she didn't win.
It was so sad to see a young child crying, when she should be celebrating a great dance performance. This sport is not just about technical skill, but about entertainment presence -- a nebulous quality that requires confidence. How can you be confident when you're worried about your parents giving you the third degree if you don't win? A child's sense of self-worth should never come from winning. There's always someone, somewhere better. To desire to win is great, but the need to win is an empty, meaningless goal. Instead, kids should be taught to strive for and recognize improvement.
I know this happens to some extent in every sport. Parents often put pressure on their kids to do well, perhaps without even realizing it. The financial investment is significant, and parents want to feel that they are getting their money's worth. But this example shows just how much damage can be done with this kind of pressure.
So, my message to parents is to evaluate your messages to your kids about sports. Are you putting more emphasis on encouragement, or on criticism? Are you sensitive to how your intentions are being perceived? Take a moment to think about your last conversation with your child about the activity they are involved in -- did it end on a positive note?
